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I originally planned on making a playlist of all the random songs that played in my iTunes library today, but I found this playlist to share instead. I made it in August of 2007. I am pretty sure I made it to go on my Myspace profile (ha!) because there were (get this) 75 songs in it! They were all songs I must have been currently listening to. At first, I was rather embarrassed by the compilation; but upon listening, I decided to share. You will notice that there are fewer than the original 75 songs included. This is due to the fact that some of them no longer played and some were just not appropriate to share here, especially since I haven’t listened to most of this music since shortly after it was made. I left some on here that might still be a bit much for some of you. I don’t expect any of you to listen to the whole list. I just wanted to document this here. ;)

Usually, you can tell what type of chapter I am going through in my life by the music I am listening to. This time in my life I remember to be extremely difficult for me. I don’t think anyone else really knew that, though. Some of the songs made me want to go back in time 4 years, give myself a hug, and reassure 22-year-old Erin that everything will work out better than she expects it to. Some songs just made me roll my eyes and remember some pretty fun times. :)

I hope you get a kick out of stepping back in time with me for a little bit. It’s kind of fun to be reminded of the silly ways one changes. :)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I am going to be working both days. I used my day off today to lie in bed and rest. I hope it has made me ready for tomorrow!

love, erin

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Yes, you read that right. This post may seem somewhat darker of a post but I don’t mean for it to be. I just feel like sharing some. Don’t worry! There is some good and happy stuff at the end. =D

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It was the last Monday in April of 2009. I went to work at the clinic like normal. Normal time. Normal outfit. Normal everything. By lunch, I did not feel normal. My chest felt tight and breathing was getting more difficult.

Oh, it must be the humidity.

By mid afternoon, I was wheezing and feeling a little light-headed. Upon telling my coworkers, they said, “It’s just the stress getting to you. You’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

I went home and went to bed early. I slept like a rock and woke up feeling better. Then it started again. This time, it hurt every time I tried to take a breath. I didn’t tell anyone this time and acted like normal. I told Will once I got home and made sure I retired early again. This night was a sleepless one. So was the next one.

By Wednesday afternoon, my coworkers had noticed my change in demeanor and suggested I talk to one of the doctors. Within 5 minutes of sitting in his office, I was handed a prescription for an inhaler and preventative asthma medication. I went home and Will and I decided to just try to have a nice relaxing night (in case it just was due to stress).

By dinner, I was barely able to breathe. All of a sudden, I felt like my chest was completely stuffed. I couldn’t even suck in air at all. My legs went weak. Then, there went the arms. The room became hazy. And I started to freak out.

(Now, I knew this had to be the worst thing I could do at this point but… come on. Would you not freak out?)

Will managed to stay as calm as possible. He held me and helped me calm down. Then, he helped me start breathing again. Then, we silently cried as I breathed with him.

I went for a walk when my sight came back. I don’t remember being able to feel my legs. I don’t remember looking before I walked into the street. I do remember seeing snow on the ground but being so, so hot. I do remember being so grateful to hear my sobs because that meant I could breathe, no matter how much it hurt. I do remember Will meeting me at the park bench across the street, holding me, and pleading with me to let him take me to the hospital. I refused but promised him I would talk to the Dr. the next day. I could barely breathe all night and Will was terrified I would stop completely. Neither of us slept.

The next day consisted of an enormous amount of tests. After the tests was a breathing treatment. It resulted in a bad reaction and everyone becoming hysterical upon finding me in the room fallen over. Not surprisingly, I was sent home pending results.

We went to pick up my prescriptions on Friday and tried calling into my part-time job. Due to the low amount of employees, I had to work. As understandable as this is, it seemed impossible at the time. I went to work as planned and worked throughout the weekend. I ended up being able to breathe freely by Saturday night and had no episodes after that.

It was now the first Monday in May of 2009.  I went to work at the clinic like “normal.” “Normal” time. “Normal” outfit. “Normal” everything.

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A lot of you didn’t know this story. I was ok with that for a long time; mainly because I hate hearing the endless amounts of “I’m so sorry!!” and “I’ll pray for you.”* However, I felt the need to tell you all now.

Tonight, I felt that same pain in my chest. It hasn’t gone away and I am a little concerned that it is getting worse. Most of you are probably yelling through your computers for me to go see a doctor. Unfortunately, I do not think there is much they can do. You see, since the last time this has happened I have been informed of my condition. This is not stress and it isn’t in my head. It is my body’s way of trying to tell me there is something very wrong with my body. I can guarantee that any pharmaceuticals that would be shelled out to me would only worsen the problem that is causing this. I already know what is wrong but I can’t afford to take care of it (right now).

Is it serious? Yes. Could I die? Probably. Do I want something from you? Yes.

In fact, that is the only reason why I share this story. I am hoping I can get something from you. And that something is…

Prayer.

I don’t ask for a lot, but I am asking for this. Will you please pray for me? You don’t have to tell me you will. Just do it. You don’t have to apologize. You have done nothing wrong. You don’t have to feel bad. God knows what He is doing. :)

You don’t have to pray. I know some of you don’t believe it will do anything because you don’t believe there is anyone listening. But hey, thanks for reading anyway. It shows you care and that is way better than any, “I’m sorry” you could say. :)

*DON’T GET ME WRONG: I really appreciate the prayers and concerns in serious situations. However, I am a hugger. So, instead of telling me what I already know you are going to say, just hug me. :)

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I know this is a horrible transition but…

Ok!! On to the fun stuff! I wanted to share with you all that Will and I are heading to Nashville on Monday! We will be moving there. Will already has a job lined up but we will be looking for both a place to stay and for a job for me. So, if you know of anything, let us know! :)

We are taking a giant leap and moving to a city where we will be starting over completely. We are nervous and excited. So many butterflies! We really don’t know what to expect but are happy we have each other. I am trying to decide if I want to pursue a career in photography once we move or just work on my personal projects with it. It is a big decision and I think once we have a home and I have a position somewhere, it will be easier to decide.

I actually have tons to share but I feel like this post is getting way too long. I will save the rest for a post in the next couple days. :)

I truly love you all and am so grateful for you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading my blog!

love, erin

P.S. I can’t figure out how to turn off comments on this post. I am not sure there is a way to turn it off one post? So, I wanted to let you all know that I am not looking for comments. Just silent support (other than prayer). :)

This is what I look like right now. See those dark circles under my eyes, the disgruntled look, and the big thing around my neck? Well, I have been in pain since 4am this morning from a pinched nerve. I have no clue how it happened and I am a little pissed that it is ruining my plans for the day. Today was going to be super productive with a huge shipment going out early this morning and then Holiday Card making all day. However, it’s after 1pm and I am barely dressed.

So, bad news bears for you all expecting holiday cards from me…

They won’t be getting to you until probably after Christmas. Consider them New Year Cards. Ha!

I love you all and promise to get them in the mail by the end of this week. I will be back later for my Tell it On Tuesday post and maybe something a little extra.

love, scout

This video made my whole week worthwhile. Miss Teagan was such a cute little bumblebee! I was sick most of this last week so unfortunately I don’t have anything really awesome to share. At least not right now. :)

erin likes to jum

I was able to feel a little more like myself last night. I ended up jumping on the bed a time or two… or five. Will even took a picture. haha Anyway, tonight is about business. I must get back to work so I can finally finish a project. I am excited about this one. Anyway, what did you all do for Halloween??

love, erin

Sick Sunday

So, this Sunday, I am a sick Sunday. I lost my voice this afternoon and haven’t gotten it back yet. I have a lot of flu symptoms but I don’t have a fever yet. I think it may be a bad cold? Will is not feeling very well, either (As displayed in the above photo). Anyway, I am watching Evita and am loving it! Music really moves me and so musicals are definitely my favorite thing to watch. Say what you want… Evita is a brilliant movie and Madonna is one of my favorites! Antonio is hilarious in it as well. :)

I guess I don’t really have much to say, except a couple things. First, please come back tomorrow. I am planning on posting something in reference to the news I received the other night. Please, please aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand thank you!

Also, please check out my boyfriend’s blog post. He has this amazing idea for a shoot and I really want this to happen. I am helping too! Please, please, PLEASE aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand thank youuuuuuuuuuu!!!

love you all. for reals. erin