Happy Tuesday, folks! How has your week been so far?
Oh, what was that? How was mine, you ask? MUUUUUCH better. :-)
That isn’t what I wanted to share, though.
I have been doing some thinking today, about this past week and my life in general. I wanted to make this post as part of an apology post. A lot of you have been such great friends to me, even without knowing me that well. The gestures and actions that you have shown bring me to tears as I think about them right now. I have been truly touched by you and consider you some of my greatest blessings. I barely had to do anything in order for you to befriend me and show me love. That speaks volumes considering most people I used to call “friends” only contact me to get something out of it or talk about themselves. Because you have been so wonderful to me, I feel it only necessary to apologize for not returning the favor. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone or even act indifferent. I know I have been very distant and have let circumstance take precedence over friendship. That is completely uncharacteristic of the person I desire in myself.
I also really wanted to apologize if I bothered anyone with my depressing attitude about things. I was just… sad. I get that way sometimes and just can’t shake it. However, it is my personal battle and I shouldn’t be so open about how my burdens affect me. So, I have decided to make a real effort at being more of a happy person. I want to bring out more of the part of me that loves life and dwells on the exciting things happening. Sure, I have a ton of stuff that can get me down every day. I have a long way to go before I will be where I want to be. However, I can’t look at it that way. Instead of throwing up my hands in defeat, I need to put those hands to work, building the road to get me where I have decided I want to go.
These words are not excuses but serve more as a simple apology and explanation. You don’t need excuses out of me, just a friend. I want to offer that. I want to hear about your life and KNOW you. The main reason I started this blog was to make more friends who loved what I love. I know I can’t expect out of you what I don’t offer myself.
This way of thinking sounds so encouraging as I write it, but putting this into action day to day is a challenge that I know I will struggle with. So, this is where I am asking for you to come in. If you talk to me and I am being negative, hold me accountable! If I have ignored you, whether intentional or not, HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE! Throw me a thought that will push my attitude in the other direction. If I call you a friend, you should already be doing this. I want to make sure that you all know that I welcome accountability and know that is the sure-fire way to make sure I continue to strive to become a more complete, joyful person.
[For those of you who consider yourselves to be Christians, I could use some encouragement there as well. I really want to seek out a relationship with the Lord like the one I once had (only better). I want that to be something that helps make the change I am wanting in myself. I have a strong opinion against cramming my beliefs down my friends’ throats, especially if it is not welcome. However, having some friends with similar beliefs that I can talk to in addition to friends I share other common opinions, interests, etc really helps day to day.]
I know that you may see this as coming out from nowhere. No one prompted this. There was no huge fight or any drama. I just remember a time when people referenced me as being this upbeat, happy girl who was such a great friend and encouragement, super thoughtful, etc. I remember a time when I saw that in myself. I miss that girl. I hope to become a woman that reflects that girl, only improved, this year. I also hope that you will share in that journey with me.
(Photo credit: Will)
Thank you from the deepest parts of me for everything you’ve given me so far. To all who this applies to. You know who you are. I love you all.
Now… LET’S GET EXCITED ABOUT THINGS!!! :-)